I think I have made you sad in the worst way. You are unable to help me and that scares you and it is not like you are easily scared. So just that thought has made me realize how much you care about me. It is refreshing to see and know that someone truly cares about me wholeheartedly. I want these feelings to go indefinitely. I miss parts of the old me; not entirely, but I have grown to appreciate its absence as I acquire the new parts from the transitional phase if that makes sense. The phase it not yet finished as you would have received a message saying something or explaining my hiatus. I have not questioned the sudden phase development and how the transition will end. I feel as if it is necessary as it came after being hospitalized. So, in some weird way, I think believe it is a therapeutic phase that will zen my body.   

  

Insecurities

If you know me and walk the way I do, you would be insecure as well.

We are very sceptic about the way we present ourselves to the world. As such, we hide our insecurities in the sea of knives, hoping that the light of day doesn’t catch it. Well, in my case, hope wasn’t enough at all.  

So, for each time I went on the road this week, at least one of my insecurities was pointed out. Ugh! This resulted in me feeling completely attacked and even though it hadn’t been the first, I still wasn’t able to cope effectively. This was so as each reoccurrence felt like the first; mainly because it was expressed differently, but with the same intentions.  

It’s not like I could have prepared myself for these confrontations as they weren’t scheduled. However, the strangers who engaged in the act clearly had an agenda that needed to be executed. So, for one, they popped up unexpectedly like jack and publicly denounced your flawed parts and two, others would deliberately join in as it became this glorified consultation. So, what you thought had been your best-kept secrets (insecurities), wasn’t so after all. As such, they could easily identify the goose (you) that laid the golden egg (insecurities) without having the need to blink twice.

To end, the world is fucked up and many insult others to feel good about themselves. Lo and behold, such feelings are quite temporary and as such, you should stop. It doesn’t kill to give a compliment, but gradually, insults will lead to death. So, just give a compliment to anyone you see daily. It is a mutualistic reward.   

This summer, I wanted to write and tell you how I really feel. But when I saw your posts, I knew that you were in my position. The position that you left me in some months ago. I wondered to myself and realised that you deserved everything and then, I recall what love felt like with you.  I stopped thereafter as I no longer wanted to re-live the crucifixion of a loved one, me.

Society calls it suicide, but I call it self-sacrifice. The love that one has for his or herself extends beyond the simple structure that society has made. The topic of death is always fresh and rotting away at the forefront of our brains. Clearly, you had no idea that death brings about the most soulful reactions. 

So today, I say Happy Independence Jamaica... 

Picture That Carries Thoughts

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, you should choose more than one.  Well, yesterday I placed my guy best friend as my display photo on what's app and surprisingly, this drew the attention of many. But for what reason, I could not tell.  The lurking eyes not only stopped on the photo but popped up as messages. Honestly, I left them hanging with the blues.

God's Messenger

They say words either make or break an individual. For me, it made my day yesterday.  I can't describe the feeling, but I tasted the words as they discharged from her mouth. All I heard was " come here, Jesus loves you." Right there, I confirmed it. Everything. The love that Jesus has for me is real, so real that I could not  really see it, but heard it.  I didn't deem it to be coincidental even though I am not really pious.  Strangely, she did not stop anyone else, just me; and for that, I am grateful. She left me with a smile that extended throughout the day. 

we all need days like this as a simple reminder that Jesus loves al; despite how we see things. 

Punctuated Pilgrimage

lost in a word,

I transitioned to another. 

called up by a verb

but stopped by a comma. 

wanting to exclaim what's really wrong,

I was left with a semi-colon

to express my given situations. 

I took it to a paragraph

making brief sentences with dashes-

omitting various stages. 

but the question marks left me hanging with a black mark

and an unnoticed full stop 

to show that my journey hasnt started.